Our last cab ride
was ten minutes long
Category Archives: Rants
Wah my facebook note got damn a lot of shares :’) /happy
So woohoo Bersih 3.0 was a family affair. All of us were tear-gassed. I am writing this three days after the day of and my sinuses are still clear. Mashaallah. I know what to do next time I get a flu.
So everyone has written about how Bersih 3.0 was a life-changing experience lah. Uncles and aunties writing about how they wanted to redeem themselves for their inaction over the last few decades lah. This lah that lah. Everybody is an activist now lah.
My article will be different for two reasons:
- I blame everybody in this article! /wink (everyone was being so nice and courteous in their articles so I have to be an asshole lah).
- I write specifically about the lack of communication at Bersih 3.0 — which I think had a large part in explaining why the crowd seemed to join in at the breaking of the barricades. Basically there are lots of references on Twitter and Facebook to some of the things I will talk about, but I think this will be the first attempt at stringing these elements together as a narrative ish.
*Most photos stolen
audhu billah min al-ghabi
audhu billah min al-aghbiya’
Hukum Syarak bermakna undang-undang Islam dalam Mazhab Syafi’e atau undang-undang dalam mana suatu Mazhab Maliki, Hambali atau Hanafi yang telah bersetuju oleh Yang di-Pertuan Agong dikuatkuasakan dalam Wilayah Persekutuan atau oleh Raja bagi mana-mana negeri dikuatkuasakan dalam negeri itu.
Pusat Maklumat Rakyat
Jabatan Penerangan Malaysia
Kementerian Penerangan, Komunikasi, dan Kebudayaan
Hanbali is one of the four schools of jurisprudence in Sunni Islam.
Hambali is “Asia’s ‘Bin Laden'”
Parti Hampir Mati
We the rakyat hereby announce the establishment of Parti Hampir Mati (PHM).
Parti Hampir Mati is a multi-everything party that aims to bring development to all Malaysians without taking into account race, religion, geography, or political affiliation. Unlike the Human Rights Party, Parti Cinta Malaysia, and all our independent-but-BN-friendly Members of Parliament, we will never support either the BN or Pakatan Rakyat. Cross our hearts, hope to die.
We are the true third force, the voice of the rakyat!
Our manifesto is simple: we believe in the superior ability of the old and sedang nazaks to berkhidmat kepada negara. We think that no matter how young or smart or brilliant or rich one is, being old and nazak is still the best way to serve our country – and this is why we will only nominate hampir matis as electoral candidates in our quest for a better Malaysia.
Why is this so? Because we believe that the death of a hampir-mati YB (astaghfirullah) is the best thing that can ever happen to any constituency. It is the jackpot of all politics – and Parti Hampir Mati is here to ensure that more and more of our deserving populace enjoy this nikmat.
Come I tell you all a joke!
So rumours are that Wira will be cancelled this year.
Because our kementerian is out of moolah.
But that’s not the joke.
The joke is that Piala Perdana Menteri isn’t cancelled.
The punch line is that we can give millions to Rosmah to burn for her ridiculous programs [RM 20 million for 100-300 students], but we cancel Wira, along with 11 out of 24 MSSM sports (archery, bowling, chess, cricket, cross country, handball, rugby, sailing, softball, squash, and table tennis) to “save” RM 4.5 million from a 6-mil original budget, we send boarding school kids back to their homes because we can’t provide food for them on weekends, and we switch off the fucking lights in our students’ study rooms because we need to fucking save on electricity.
So funny right!
So today I got really mad.
I was watching a rerun of 还珠格格 (huan2 zhu1 ge2 ge) on NTV7. You know — the series with 赵薇 (zhao4 wei1) as 小燕子 (xiao3 yan4 zi) and 苏有朋 (su1 you3 peng2) as 五阿哥 (wu3 a4 ge1) that all of us watched every single day ten years ago. /wink. Part of our childhoods.
One part of the episode was about 含香 (han2 xiang1), a Xinjiang princess given to the Emperor as a concubine by her father (ugh). Han Xiang was all about oh I’ve to maintain my purity because my religion demands it: please stop pestering me to sleep with you; the Emperor was like oh since you’re so persistent hokay you win: you get to keep your virginity yaaaay.
And shortly after that, when Han Xiang was thanking the Emperor profusely, as only Asians can do, the audio was cut off. My immediate reaction was wtfbbq stupid Malaysian network, but then I read the subtitles. Han Xiang was giving thanks to 阿拉 (Allah/ﷲ) for the Emperor’s magnanimity.
So the Malaysian censorship board decided to cut out Allah, in Chinese, from a soap opera! Thanks, Rais!
The stupidest thing is that Han Xiang is Muslim. Now what — Chinese Muslims cannot say Allah ah? Fret not, Mr. Censor: the Christians/Jews aren’t out to convert gullible young Muslims by slipping in the sacred kalimah in an imperial Chinese drama made ten years ago. The Xinjiang princess is ethnically 回 (hui2) and was mumbling a bona fide prayer (doa/دعاء) of thanks (ash-shukr/الشكر) to the God of Islam.
So yeah, again, the same rant applies. Tell me why (li-madha/لماذا) the hell (jahannam/جهنم) do we have a censorship board, and what (madha/ماذا) the hell (jahannam/جهنم) they are doing meddling in what gets said in a soap opera. This is really weird because I’m angrier at this than at their antics at censoring the kissing/fondling scenes in movies.
Let me pray for once: audhu billah min al-ghabi/أعوذ بالله من الغبي/O Lord, keep me from idiots.